If you’ve spent any time in the dog world, you’ve heard it. Perhaps you’ve even said it. You see a dog on the street—maybe a fluffy puppy or a nervous-looking rescue—and as you reach out your hand, you utter the ultimate disclaimer: “It’s okay, I’m a dog lover!”
On the surface, it sounds like a badge of honor. You’re telling the owner you’re a friend, not a foe. But as a certified canine behaviorist and trainer, I’m here to tell you: this is the one phrase I need dog people to stop saying immediately.
Why? Because usually, when someone says “I’m a dog lover,” they are about to do something the dog (and the owner) definitely doesn’t love.
The Irony of the “Dog Lover” Disclaimer
The phrase is almost always used in two specific scenarios, and both of them can unintentionally sabotage a dog’s progress or safety.
Scenario 1: The “Stranger Danger” Encounter
I’ll never forget my experience with my Chihuahua, Faye. Before I was a trainer, I was working through “stranger danger” with her. She wore a bright yellow vest that clearly said “NERVOUS: DO NOT PET.”
While we were out practicing “neutral” socialization at a boutique, a man approached us. I told him, “No, please don’t approach, she’s very nervous.” His response?
“It’s okay, I’m a dog person! Dogs love me.”
He proceeded to kneel down and shove a hand in her face. Faye froze, shivered, and growled.
The Truth: If you were truly a “dog person,” you would recognize that a growling, shivering dog is screaming for space. By ignoring the owner’s “no” and the dog’s body language, you aren’t showing love; you’re showing a lack of respect for the dog’s boundaries.
Scenario 2: The Training Sabotage
In my puppy classes, I ask how many owners struggle with their puppy jumping on people. Every single hand goes up. Why? Because when an owner tries to get their puppy to sit politely, the person they are meeting usually squeals, pets the jumping puppy, and says:
“It’s okay! I love when they jump! I’m a dog lover!”
While that person thinks they’re being kind, they just reinforced a behavior the owner is working desperately to stop. They just took that dog’s training three steps backward because they prioritized their own desire to pet a puppy over the owner’s goal of having a well-mannered adult dog.
How to Be a “Smarter” Dog Person
I know you mean well. You want to help the dog feel better or make the owner feel less embarrassed. But true “dog love” is about advocacy and understanding. Here is how you can actually help the dogs (and humans) you meet:
1. Notice the “Space Requests”
Before you approach, look at the dog. Are they growling, snapping, or cowering? Are they pulling away or giving you “whale eye” (showing the whites of their eyes)?
These aren’t invitations to “make yourself look inviting.” These are requests for distance.
What to do instead: Ask the owner, “What can I do to help your dog feel more comfortable?” Maybe the answer is just for you to keep walking.
2. The “Toss, Don’t Hand” Rule
If an owner says you can give their nervous dog a treat, don’t reach over the dog’s head. That is incredibly threatening to a fearful animal.
Instead, toss the treat away from the dog. This allows the dog to move away from the “scary stranger” to get the reward, giving them the choice to come back to you if they feel brave enough.
3. Let the Dog Make the First Move
Just because a dog sniffs you doesn’t mean they want to be petted. Think of it like a “handshake” to gather information.
If a dog reaches their neck out to sniff you but keeps their feet planted far back, they are hesitant. If you reach out to touch them at that moment, you’re breaking their trust. Let them sniff, and then wait for them to lean in or ask for more before you move your hands.
4. Respect the “All Four on the Floor” Rule
When meeting an excitable puppy, ask the owner: “Are there any manners you’re working on that I should be mindful of?” If they say they’re working on jumping, wait for the dog to sit or have all four feet on the ground before you offer attention. If the dog jumps, simply turn your back or look away. You are helping that owner build a dog that is welcome in more public spaces!
The Impact of a Single Encounter
Your interaction with a dog might only last thirty seconds, but the effects can linger for a lifetime.
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In the first scenario, you might teach a nervous dog that people are scary and don’t listen, forcing the dog to become “bigger” and “scarier” (biting) to get their point across next time.
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In the second scenario, you might teach a puppy that jumping is the fastest way to get what they want.
Let’s move past being “dog lovers” and start being dog advocates. The next time you see a pup in public, give them the greatest gift a true dog person can give: respect for their space and their training.
Is your dog currently working through “stranger danger” or public manners? I’d love to hear your “It’s okay, I’m a dog lover” horror stories in the comments!
If you’re in the San Antonio area and looking for help with your dog’s behavioral needs, check out our Training Programs at Pup Pup & Away.
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